Take a Picture

He keeps telling me to; "go take pictures; it always makes you feel better.’ I want to take down our pictures, burn them (I have a few, it was fun) I don’t want this on film, or SD card. I want to erase this whole year from my memory, and would if I could get rid of just one in the process….I like pictures, but of things beautiful, like she was, and I can’t think of that…
He says "we can work this out, I will change, what ever you want, we can fix this"
I didn’t think it was that broken until 11 days, 8 hours, 12 minutes ago. Was I so blind?
He says "what about Cole? Think of him." I think "Um, excuse me? Did you?"
How do you forgive this? You can’t forget it. How do you move on from here?
I am so lost, this is so hard. Thank you for every one’s support. I need you.
The one person that knew me best, threw me away. Now wants to pick me back out of the garbage and brush me off. I don’t know what to make of this. I try not to treat my friends like that or I don’t call them friend. So how?…never mind.
I dreamed today, she was still acting like my friend….I couldn’t understand how she could. It woke me up. She woke me up again. I wish she would stop, it makes me sick.
I love him, I will miss him so much. But, I don’t think I can forgive this. I don’t know if I can be his wife after this. I wouldn’t respect some one that would, so how could I respect my self if I did?
He is reading now, all the books you read when there are troubles; you know the kind, they are many. It feels like looking at the play-by-play of a car wreck…So that’s how they died? Not so much a hope.
Now he wants to try. I want to scream, "TAKE IT BACK" until he can, take a sledge hammer to the walls of our home, well, house just a house. I want a reset button. If I could go back in time, I would say to my self to stay in every New Years especially 2000, and learn to be patient, and more independent, and what love means, and find my self before him, or just stay away.